The Sickness That Needs No Cure

(siren) Thank goodness you’re here! Please save him! Take deep breaths. Everything’s gonna be ok. Dispatch said y’all are down here visiting friends and he just fell down? No, he didn’t fall down. He slowly laid down and closed his eyes. Do you wanna tell her or should I? Oh no…is he dead? No! It’s just possum. He’s a possum?! No. He’s playin’ possum. I don’t understand. He don’t wanna leave! But we have to! Our flight back to Minnesota leaves in three hours! Minnesota?! In the winter?! Oh, you’re lucky he’s just playing dead. I would have fought you! It’s just an involuntary reaction. We can bring him back with some smelling salts. You can’t be serious. I know. I’m more of a Zatarain’s man myself. Ooh! Is someone cookin’ gumbo, jambalaya, or etoufee? Oh, he’s eat up with it. Eat up with what? What does that mean? Uh, ma’am, it looks like your husband’s contracted a case of Southernitis. Do you know what blood type he has? Um…I think it’s… Gravy. Oh hey! Is that in everybody’s veins down here? Is he gonna be ok? We really do need to go back home. It’s hard to tell the severity of it. We’re gonna have to run a few tests first. Ok, sugar, I need you to look right here, ok? Yes ma’am. He’s positive for manners. Yeah. Go ahead and get the flash cards out. Ok, sweetie, I’m gonna show you something and you’re gonna tell me what you see, alright? Ok. That’s a warshrag. That there’s a buggy. That’s a toboggan. He’s already speaking the language. That’s a stage three. Three? Raise hell praise Dale! This is ridiculous! Hush! Puppies! Cornbread. Buttermilk. Snow. Blizzard of ’93. (screams) Why is this happening?? Well, it looks like on y’all’s little trip down here that y’all finally got a taste of some food that has, uh… …uh, what’s the word I’m looking for? Flavor. Mmm. That’s it. Is there a cure for Southernitis? Is there a medication we can take? I would say the symptoms would ease up at about July or August when the humidity out there gets pretty much unbearable. But, uh, y’all done tasted the food so now you know why we don’t leave either. I mean I…I guess we could stay for another week or two? Does that mean I get to eat more gumbo? Come on sweetie! I got red beans cookin’ in the crockpot! Hot dog! RADIO: We got a 1038. It looks like the Mitchell boy done cut another finger off. Oh no. Y’all need some duct tape? Ooh yeah. That oughta do it. Renasant Bank. The best bank in the South. Visit to learn more.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *