-I was running
a bit behind today, so I thought,
if you guys wouldn’t mind, I’d just like to write
out my weekly thank-you notes right now.
Is that cool with you guys? [ Cheers and applause ] I love you. James, can I get some Halloween thank-you-note-writing music,
please? Thank you. ♪♪ Perfect.
[ Light laughter ] Thank you,
Washington Nationals logo, for making every non-sports fan
wonder, “Wait. Why is everyone suddenly
going nuts for Walgreens?” [ Laughter and applause ] -[ Laughing ]
I did think that. ♪♪ -Thank you,
new “Terminator” movie, starring 72-year-old
Arnold Schwarzenegger, for being less
“I’ll be back” and being more, “Ow, my back.” [ Laughter and applause ] -“Ow, ow!”
The chopper! ♪♪ -Thank you, trick-or-treating,
for giving kids the chance to collect candy
and adults the chance to judge their neighbor’s
home decor. [ Laughter and applause ] “Ikea couch?”
-“Oh.” ♪♪ -Thank you,
Apple’s new AirPod Pros, for finally
answering the question, “What would it feel like to put
tiny hair dryers in my ears?” [ Laughter and applause ] [ Both imitating
hair dryers whirring ] ♪♪ Thank you, metal rakes, for looking like the starting
gate for a tiny horse race. [ Laughter and applause ] -Thank you. ♪♪ -Thank you, click pens,
for making sure I never need to worry about
finding a cap or finding a way
to annoy my co-workers. There you have it.
Those are my thank-you notes!