Rectix – SNL


>>>WE ARE GOING TO GET SOME
LEMONADE SO YOU TWO BEHAVE.>>OKAY.
>>WELL, I’LL TELL YOU THAT EMILY IS GREAT.
YOUR MOM AND I REALLY LIKE HER.>>THANKS, POP.
>>SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND, SON?>>ACTUALLY, YEAH.
I’M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED TO SAY THIS, BUT LATELY I’VE BEEN
HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE PERFORMING.
>>YOU MEAN ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION?
>>HAS IT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?>>SURE HAS.
IT HAPPENED TO ME A LOT. BUT THEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT NEW
RECTIX.>>WHOA, THAT PILL IS MASSIVE,
HOW DO YOU EVEN SWALLOW THAT THING?
>>HA HA, YOU DON’T SWALLOW IT, SON, YOU INSERT IT LIKE AN
SUPPOSITORY, AND TRUST ME, IT LOOKS.
>>SO YOU PUT THAT THING –>>IT DIDN’T LIKE ORDINARY
PILLS. IT CAN STOP ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
DEAD IN ITS TRACKS.>>AND IT JUST DISSOLVES UP
THERE?>>NO, NO, THAT’S THE BEST PART,
SON, IT STAYS PUT FOR AS LONG AS YOU NEED IT TO WORK AND EVEN
COMES WITH AN ATTACHED LOOP SO YOU CAN RETRIEVE IT WHEN YOU’RE
THROUGH.>>SO IT’S A BUTT PLUG.
>>WHAT? NO.
IT’S A PILL.>>RECTIX.
THE ALL NATURAL, FAST-ACTING MALE ENHANCEMENT PILL.
>>DAD, DOES MOM KNOW ABOUT THIS?
>>WELL, IT WAS ACTUALLY MY IDEA.
I WAS AFRAID YOUR DAD WOULD NEVER GET AN ERECTION EVER
AGAIN.>>ONE NIGHT YOUR MOTHER SAID,
LAY BACK, LET’S TRY SOMETHING. I REMEMBER ASKING, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?>>I TOLD HIM, JUST RELAX AND
BREATHE.>>I SAID, WHAT IS THAT, LIKE A
PILL OR SOMETHING?>>AND I SAID, SURE.
>>AND IT WORKED. IMMEDIATELY.
>>OKAY, I GOT IT, DAD.>>I TRIED OTHER METHODS.
>>BUT NONE OF THOSE THINGS WORKED LIKE RECTIX VIBRATING
PILLS.>>WAIT, SO IT VIBRATES TOO?
>>OF COURSE IT DOES. WHAT DID YOU THINK, THAT IT
DOESN’T?>>YEAH.
>>WELL, IT DOES. YOU KNOW WHAT, SON, WHY DON’T
YOU BORROW MINE?>>EW, NO.
>>RELAX, HONEY, IT’S CLEAN. EVERY PRESCRIPTION OF RECTIX IS
100% DISHWASHER SAFE.>>IT’S A BUTT PLUG.
>>IT’S A PILL.>>THIS LEMONADE IS AMAZING.
>>DON’T PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT!>>SIDE EFFECTS MIGHT INCLUDE
SLIGHT DISCOMFORT, EXTREME DISCOMFORT, AND A SHIFT IN POWER
DYNAMICS.>>WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU?
>>RECTIX.>>OH, MY GOD.
>>IT’S A PILL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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