A Simple Cure For Social Anxiety

A Simple Cure For Social Anxiety

Improvement pill here a very interesting
study was conducted in 2000 at Cornell University by Professor Thomas Gilovich
he took groups of students and randomly selected one individual from each group
he then told the rest of the students to show up to a certain room at a certain
time to work on a quote-unquote project it’s very important to note that all of
the seats in this room were positioned in a way so that everyone was facing the
door he then took the singled out individuals purposely stalled them a bit
and had them wear a t-shirt with a well-known person on it such as Martin
Luther King or Bob Marley he then told that individual to go to the room
knowing that they would be late and also knowing that all of the other students
would look up at the door and notice who was coming in this experiment was
supposed to replicate an embarrassing event the singled out individuals knew
that there were the only ones who were late and they were led to believe that
everyone else noticed by the fact that everyone looked up when they walked into
the room after the experiment the researchers asked these embarrassed
individuals how many of the students do you think remembered the incidents
vividly and on average these singled out individuals reported that 50% of all the
other students would be able to recall the event and the shirt that they were
wearing because well they messed up and they were absolutely sure that a large
chunk of people in the room noticed but what the researchers actually found was
that only 10% of the students in that room were able to recall the event and
the t-shirt five times less than what our embarrassed individuals thought what
this experiment discovered is what’s called the spotlight effect we humans
often overestimate how much others care about our negative and also positive
actions we think that the spotlight is on us that everyone is looking at us and
judging us when in reality the large majority of people simply don’t care and
this is a very very important concept that you need to internalize if you are
struggling with social anxiety see the main reason we feel anxious around
others is because we feel like they’re watching us and judging us we’re scared
to act how we want to be ourselves because we don’t want to risk people
looking down on us we don’t want others to dislike us but in reality the large
majority of people simply don’t care that much about you I know this sounds
like a bad thing but it’s just human nature
most people are stuck in their own heads and are thinking about themselves not
you the moment you internalize this concept and genuinely start believing in
it your levels of social anxiety will drop significantly but of course this is
much easier said than done how in the world can we get ourselves to truly
truly believe in the spotlight effect well today I’m gonna show you a simple
two-step process that I personally used to drill this concept into my own head
step 1 you need to become more aware of your own thoughts the large majority of
us are oblivious to the fifty to seventy thousand thoughts that we have on
average every single day which is why you need to start building a mindfulness
habit like meditation where you try to clear your head and try to focus on one
thing like your breathing when you build a mindfulness practice like this you
will become 10 times more aware of how you think and you will also start to
notice that the large majority of your own thoughts are about yourself past
events future concerns worrying about what others think that sort of stuff
you’ll notice that less than 1% of your own thoughts will be about other people
that you come across randomly throughout the day step 2 once you’ve started
becoming more aware of your own thoughts you can start doing another mental
exercise one that I like to call the swapping shoes exercise this is when you
go to a public place and pick out a random individual then you focus focus
focus and you try your hardest to imagine what’s going on in their head
imagine that you’re in their shoes living their life what problems are they
currently facing what are they currently worrying or stressing out about what
sort of insecure thoughts are going on in their head what other things do you
think they’re thinking about allow yourself to really imagine being in
their shoes and also imagine what sort of thoughts are going on in their head
by doing this exercise you will start to condition yourself to believe that
others spend the majority of their time thinking about their own problems and
themselves which is actually true the more you do this the more you will
internalize the spotlight effect which in turn will allow you to start feeling
less and less social anxiety as you start to realize that people just aren’t
paying that much attention to you it might sound a bit sad to realize this
but in reality you’ll feel a huge weight being lifted off of your shoulders you
will feel free this episode is sponsored by blankets oftentimes I get questions
from you guys about where I get all of my ideas from and to be honest a fair
amount of them do come from books the problem is that sometimes it can be hard
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kist Linkous takes the key teachings from thousands of non-fiction books and
convinces them into 15-minute snippets that you can read or even listen to that
way you don’t have to read the entire book in order to extract the lessons I
use blankets whenever I need to quickly learn more about a subject for example
just the other day I was doing some research on the subject of psychology
trying to find some new ideas the problem was that there are literally
dozens of books published every year about psychology it would have taken me
forever to manually go through each of these books but because I have plinkus I
was able to quickly learn a lot about many interesting psychology concepts
from great books such as truth by Hector McDonald life lessons from a brain
surgeon by rahul jandial and childhood disrupted by donna
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this is one of the best ways to do so just check it out
besides that guys stay tuned


100 thoughts on “A Simple Cure For Social Anxiety”

  • Improvement Pill says:

    Going to be hosting a live webinar pretty soon about overcoming addiction.
    Join our email list if you want to receive updates on this and you'll also get a weekly newsletter from me where I basically just talk about whatever's on my mind.

  • Great Video!👌 As someone that suffered social anxiety in the past…I must say that I totally relate to everything that he said on this video. Another trick is remove the attention from yourself and Focus and Stare at people…you will notice that people are equally as anxious and insecure as you are. I started doing this when I go to the gym, grocery store, even bars and it works. People are living in their own heads, they don’t care about you… it’s a misconception in your head.

  • I'll tell you from experience, it's not some black magic. I used to be socially anxious and awkward, then I had to work in my town's office during summer holidays with my classmate and it helped me a ton. The people working there were super nice and friendly. I was doing many tasks but mainly took care of printer and had to copyprint documents for strangers a lot. In no time I got way more social and confident and extroverted.

    As with any fear the best solution is exposure therapy. Find a job or hobby where you interact with people a lot like at supermarket, cinema or coffe shop. With how many customers you'll be talking with daily you'll get used to talking with people and start to care less about fuckups.

  • Anthony Hamilton says:

    I subscribed to this channel a while ago to rid of my social anxiety. Now I forgot that I even had social anxiety lol. I'm the loudest one in the room and people say that I talk too much. When I see someone lonely, I check on them to see whats up, then spark up a conversation.

  • Security Guard says:

    A tip from me.
    – Don't take life so seriously, we are all Riding a train that we call life and we didn't sign up to.

    at the end pf the day just don't give a care and you will be Happy.


  • I've been trying to improve my social skills but somehow i feel there is not much change, still another great video to inspire me to try again

    *I even have anxiety if should post a comment

  • This is essentially how i got over my own social anxiety, well a combination of that thought and some good old fashioned Zoloft

  • Dear improvement pill.. I appreciate your efforts of new editing for videos. But as a viewer, the old format editing videos with excellent information was fantastic. In my opinion don't stress so much on the editing which takes effort rather focus on this type of content which will be helpful.. Anyway love your channel. But even see in our shoes.. The simpler is the elegance.. ❤️

  • Marouan Elouardi says:

    Wanna start project doing vid like this: download audio and doing montage with fixe pic
    What logiciel can i use
    Thank you

  • Marvin Skywalker says:

    This is life changing for us- introverts, hope you're having a good day after you've watch Improvement Pill's video! 😊

  • There are two ways to view life:

    "Boo hoo! Nobody gives a shit about me…"


    "Fuck yes! Nobody gives a shit about me!!"

  • Dear improvement pill, how can I defend myself? I've been very incapable of doing so since I was little. It's embedded in my brain that defending myself equals to defiance. I've literally worked two jobs for free cuz I couldn't defend myself. And honestly I'm scared now.

  • Anastasia Tzevelekou says:

    1) Become more aware of your own thoughts (meditation helps) 2:34.
    2) Swapping shoes exercise = imagine what a stranger is thinking (realize that people pay less attention to you than you think) 3:16.

  • Practical Inspiration says:

    Great share, totally agree that while we think that everyone judges us, the fact is most are just indifferent. They have their own problems to deal with to worry about yours

  • Real Life Counseling - Michael Zone, LCSW, MEd, JD says:

    As always, the information given and exercises presented is very useful. The question is, how many people will use it? I am attempting to find out how many people successfully apply the ideas and techniques recommended by online content. For decades self-help books have been perennial best-sellers and yet people still continue to buy them and likely don't actually apply the concepts or make significant changes. In fact, after decades of the self-improvement movement people seem to be getting more emotionally fragile. Higher incidence of drug use, suicide, social isolation, unhappy relationships, etc. Has anyone successfully used these techniques and is now social anxiety-free? I'd love to document the power of social media to help people effectuate real change!

  • Yo swapping shoes is my favorite game! Might sound a lil creepy but I feel creative imagining a person's visual and mental perspective in some kind of detail, even if they are a stranger

  • Yesterday same thing happened to me and l discovered that real people don't care and l am sure now that no one will care about my comment 😂

  • If you’re not a celebrity, no one will remember this
    I know it sounds kind of negative, but it’s a good thing to be a “normal” person!

  • One thing I think you should have mentioned is: In the event someone DOES remember the negative event you were in and picks on you for it, most of the time, it's because they're projecting their problems onto you. People who have a more positive outlook on life will generally empathize and/or simply shrug off what you went through, whereas people with a more negative outlook on life will try to pull you down to their level. Don't let these few jerks get you down!

  • Moral lesson: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU.
    LOL JK.

    But honestly when he started with step 1, who else had Melanie Martinez's High School Sweethearts playing in their heads? Or was that just me?

  • Ok finally I got an answer..I asked that question several times ‘where do you get your idea?’ So visit Blinkist.com? I’ll try

  • I cured my social anxiety recently. A few months ago, I got myself a gym membership, but because I was so afraid of being judged, I'd go in there and just half-ass my work outs. This went on for a while until a morbidly obese fella walked in. I glanced at him and thought to myself "Jeez…I'm glad I didn't let it get this bad. I have faith he'll make it". I finished up my workout and I had already forgotten all about the guy until I saw him again in the locker room. That's when it hit me. Despite the fact that this man stands out in a bad way, everybody is too busy worrying about themselves to actually waste their time judging others. After that day, I started leaving my comfort zone more often and now everytime I feel anxious, I think about that guy at the gym. Life is much better now, I met new people and I'm making more friends, I feel guilty yet relieved to see how much I was missing out on the past few years.

  • Hey guys watch "alan watts" "how to overcome social anxiety"? Changed my life, he is an amazing philosopher with excellent perspective.

  • People that suffer from SA often come across as arrogant, since they do not talk much. However the thing is, that people with this disorder often take themselves too important/serious in an unhealthy way ("everybody is gonna judge me/think negatively about me" – and so on). This is mixed with a overly strong perfectionism in social situations. So socially anxcious people can feel highly responsible for the feelings of others and their well being. Also they are too much in their own head and mind most times instead of shifting the focus towards others and their surroundings. It all boils down to a very low self esteem and caring not enough about the own needs. I suffered from it myself. Go and seek therapy, it helped me a lot and definately made more more difference than watching videos on the subject (and even talking to friends who might understand you, but do not know how to provide techniques to overcome it). For me being patient with myself and finding out things about me that i like helped a lot. The fear developed itself in order to protect me from harm, but it is irrational thinking. Learning to accept that you don't need this kind of protection anymore is crucial. You will only learn that nothing will happen to you, if you voluntary go outside and seek those challanging situations (depending on your indiviual anxiety level!). Wash, rinse, repeat. Find something that excites you and brings you joy to build self esteem. Meditation and exercise help, too. You have managed many things in life, worse than the dinner or the meeting that you have coming up next week. Finding compassion for yourself and your anxiety will help reducing it. Anxieties can be triggers that there is something within you, that wants to surface. Diving into it will not only make you understand yourself better but also provides the chance for unlocking new potential within you.

  • RushLight Raynor says:

    Any1 else have a buttload of stuff to say when you meet someone, or you want to talk to someone, but when you go up to them or they come to you, you always stress and say less or more than you want to and overthinks it and later starts to think that person is thinking about that moment too lmao?

  • Social anxiety is such a btch ;-;
    In theory, I get that no one really gives a dam, but when I screw up all the thoughts in my head is just the replaying of me screwing up.

    I guess it's about taking it step by step. I need to work on my mindfulness techniques. I do the 5 senses breathing one, it momentarily helps with just my typical anxiety, but it's difficult when I start to spiral again.

  • Chiara Gervasoni says:

    It's 7 am, I'm walking to my bus stop to uni while watching this video. This morning I woke up feeling guilty because of the junk food I've eaten last night at a party, and I was innocently assuming people in the streets would notice my discomfort. I quickly went through the two steps you suggested and realized that well, maybe they have different things to focus on 🤔
    Thanks Improvement Pill, this morning I'm not in the spotlight nor trying to be!

  • TrollSeer 1987 says:

    yay something that will work for me because i have anxiety and can hardly talk to others
    Eddit: the video has reasonable things that could help me to be honest, i am going to give it a shoot.

  • According to Charles Horton Cooley's theory of the self,
    "I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am."

    And I think, that's the spotlight effect = social anxiety.

  • Reffi Christensen says:

    U know, ppl with judge u with their own perspective, situation, condition about you and then they try to make u do from what they think their opinion is always right.

    And yeah, its all about MYSELF.

    Dont worry, they will hate you. But you will find yourself. Not their self in you.

  • skullkrusher1999 says:

    Improvement pill what do you think about joining the military. Its a random question I know but it's something I've been interested in for a while.

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